Bringing Men to the Table

“Bringing Men to the Table,” with Rebecca Brum, LPC, CEDS-S, and Joe Kelly, BA, NCLC. 

Right away, Joe grabbed our female attention by apologizing “from the brotherhood” - for males who have been “jerks” in our own lives. This opened some of us up to bias that was formed during our own recoveries- in which we saw men as the problem. After reading books like Fat is a Feminist Issue, it hadn't occurred to us to seek support from fathers, brothers, and husbands. And a field largely devoid of males has at times reduced men’s sense of effectiveness- and thereby ensured their lack of participation.

When we hear men say, “Just tell me what to do!“ Or “How do I fix it?”  We need to hear instead, “We cannot tolerate our loved one’s distress, but we don't feel welcome. Sometimes we think we are the problem.  We do not want to hurt anyone.”

Men have been bullied into disconnection- by each other and by society. We now get to help them connect and be close by expecting them to show up. By reminding them why they are here. And by helping them distinguish the eating disorder from the person.

Those who attended felt it changed our work.  And with Father’s Day approaching, we were encouraged to ask the question, “How has it changed your experience as a man to be my father?”

A video of the full talk is here.